No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
