Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
