You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
