Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Shame is for Republicans.
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