the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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