He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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