I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize