dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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