I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
