trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need a hoe opinion
go on
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
