you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
