HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
