The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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