I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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