Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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