Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
