how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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