Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
