Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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