My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
