I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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