Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I could make wine with my vomit
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Alive.
So much puke
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
