break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
