Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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