I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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