I CAN MOONWALK!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She's the barista slut.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
