Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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