i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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