whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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