I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
