How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
