I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
