I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
