I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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