Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
