I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
