3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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