you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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