you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
