I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
