I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
