actually, I'm a sock model
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
