I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
