All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
