I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
