Little spoons don't ask big questions
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
