Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
