nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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