I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
