before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we made out on top of his cat.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
