At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
