i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
