I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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