You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
