Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
