turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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