So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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