a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
