A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
