Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
