hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This is the high leading the old right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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