I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
