thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
