Sry I called you an 8
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
