Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
