you would pick up someone in the library
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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