she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
