That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
