Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She bit a glass in half.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
