his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
