Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
