My friends, they love my intelligence
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
COCAINE IS GR8
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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