Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize