If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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