So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
