i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
