Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
