I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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